For many couples, their first foray into extending their sexuality is to buy some sex toys. That’s great. Toys can be a lot of fun and really spice things up. But eventually the novelty wears off and the question is: “what’s next?”
For a great many couples the answer is: “lets try swinging.”Sadly, the experience of swinging rarely lives up to expectations. There are many reasons why: mismatched expectations, bad clubs, poor planning, broken boundaries, jealousy. The list goes on. Even if a couple do find the experience fun, it can, in due course become monotonous just like the sex toys.
I have nothing against swinging, but I do feel that the concept is somewhat limiting. And for whatever reason it has occupied a central place in our culture’s sexual landscape and become the default choice for couples looking to expand the boundaries of their sexuality.
This is why we created Shortbus Salon. To give people a stepping stone from the world of sex-only-in-their-relationship-behind-closed-doors to: learning about the broader world of sexuality, to trying new experiences (like threesomes, swinging, and group sex), to learning about and exploring the realms of fetish and “kink”. All in an environment that is safe, comfortable, non-judgmental, and completely open.
My message here is not that swinging is bad, or that you shouldn’t do it. More that swinging is just one option when you want to open the boundaries of your relationship and it may not be the best first choice. It takes significant emotional maturity, planning, trust, communication, and more to get the most from swinging and to ensure that it doesn’t actually do more harm than good.
Obviously I have a vested interest here in promoting our Shortbus Salon gathering, but that’s rather the point. I have seen the swinging scene, been part of it over the years, seen the pitfalls and the positives that can come from it. My response has been (along with Emma) to create Shortbus Salon for all of those who have been or become disappointed with the swinging scene.
Hi John, I read your interesting article above..My name is Sam..Single gentleman who practices as a sex therapist, and have tried “swingers” clubs before….I really liked the “Openness” and the social atmosphere there, but what I did not like was that most of those places hire “female sex workers” among the genuine clients, which makes them more “commercial” ….I’d be interested to know more about your groups though and might join in if I like what you tell me…. Thanks, mate…Have fun, and stay happy….